What am I
waiting for?

In Mexico, I meditated facing the Sea of Cortez and asked myself what I was waiting for before I could begin the next chapter of my life.

I had been imagining that one chapter would end neatly and the next would begin. There would be a clear point when I could turn my attention toward the things I wanted to explore.

In meditation, the answer felt clear: I needed to start becoming the person I wanted to become. I didn’t know exactly what that would look like, or how to get there. But waiting wasn’t going to answer those questions.

I can begin with something small.

I can take an art class. Write down an experience I keep thinking about. Follow an interest long enough to learn whether I want to spend more time on it.

These are things I can make room for in the life I already have. I can be curious without knowing where that curiosity will lead.

I need to start becoming the person I want to become.

Writing is one place I’m beginning. I’ve spent nearly two decades building a business and raising kids. I’ve been keeping notes about what I’ve learned, the things I’m still working through, and the stories I want to tell.

I want to understand how those experiences connect. What do I believe because of them? What have I changed my mind about? What might be useful to someone else?

I’m interested in ambition, and in the difference between wanting something for myself and wanting it because it looks like success. I don’t expect to settle that in one piece of writing.

I can start by putting some of what I’ve learned into words. That is what I’m doing here.